Kelcium

Must…resist…urges…to
…start packing right now
…delete facebook account
…use the class catalogue as toilet paper
…tip a cow and then spray paint “steak” on it
…tag “Dixon or bust” on the Welcome to Davis sign
…send a mass email to everyone from my ucd accountant saying “PEACE BEETCHES!!!”
…hold a rude sign outside Chancellor Vanderhoef’s house…oh wait. That’s mean. (stupid CoHo)…
…round up all the Aggie (ucd newspaper) and pile them in trash cans right outside the Domes.
…hijack a double-decker bus and run it through the store front of Dos Coyotes…both of them…
and most of all, must resist urge to pile every abandoned bike on campus high in front of the ARC, light it on fire creating the biggest blaze since the Whole Earth Festival, cover myself in blue and yellow body paint, walk backwards around the fire while repeating lines from my Tour Guide sketch, all the while handing out UCD 2000 scantrons that I’ve written “UCD –done in 3” on, to passer-bys.

Really must resist that last one.